"Elephants Please Stay In Your Car."
- Safari park sign

"A bachelor's life is no life for a single man."
- Samuel Goldwyn

"Man Breaks Leg In Fall Off Bride."
- St. Louis Disptach Headline (should have read "bridge.")

"A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on."
- Samuel Goldwyn

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

"I don't think we learned a lesson; I think it was a learning experience for us."
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, after game 4 of the 2001 NBA finals, on being asked by NBC reporter Jim Gray if LA had learned a lesson from what happened the previous year in Indiana

"Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar."
- Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge

"After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board."
- Sign in a British office.

"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
- Sign in Men's clothing store

"MIDNIGHT BOWLING SATURDAY AT 9 P.M."
- Sign outside bowling alley in Lakewood, CO

"SAFETY FIRST: Please put on your seat belt - prepare for accident."
- Sign on backseat of Taxi

"This Is The Gate Of Heaven, Enter Ye All By This Door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft.  Please use side entrance.)
- Sign on church door

"We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work.)"
- Sign on door of repair shop

"I consider Madonna a friend, and she sure knows how to work the publicity machine.  Of course, I don't have breasts.  If I did  have, I'd be in the number one spot over Madonna."
- Spike Lee, Director

"Man Breaks Leg In Fall Off Bride."
- St. Louis Post-Dispatch, headline (should have read "bridge')

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
- Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left winger, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker

"What will you do when you leave football, Jack, will you stay in football?"
- Stuart Hall, Radio 5 live

"Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact I'm right behind him."
- Stuart Pearson

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
- Stuart Pearce

"It's like their own personal equipment, like you have pens."
- General Syarwan Hamid of Indonasia, justifying why his soldiers carry loaded guns on the streets.

"The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can't change.  After I die, I'll probably come back as a paintbrush."
- Sylvestor Stallone, Actor

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