"Outside consultants sought for test of gas chamber."
- Ad in Arizona Republic

"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound."
- Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

"FOR RENT: CONDOM... ONLY US$650."
- Ad in Jakarta Post, should have read Condo

"I didn't know Onward Christian Soldiers was a Christian song."
- Aggie Pate, at a non-denominational mayor's breakfast, Fort Worth, Texas

"I didn't realize I was in a Buddhist temple."
- Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President when asked about his illegal fundraising activities that took place in a Buddhist temple.

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
- Alan Minter, Boxer

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
- Alicia Silverstone, Actress

"See the New York Jets play the Cinncinnati Bagels this Sunday on NBC."
- Announcer on WNBC station

"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
- Anonymous Manufacturer

"Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier."
- Anonymous Traffic Report

"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time."
- Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian

"We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather."
- Arab News report

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