Laugh and the World Laughs with You

You know it's going to be a bad day when...

1. Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angel's.

2. The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for  money.

3. You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

4. You get to work and find a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.

5. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

6. You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.

7. Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

8. Your 4-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.

9. You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humor is putting crazy glue in your Preparation H.

10. You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.

11. It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.

12. You wake up to the soothing sound of running water...and remember that you just bought a waterbed.

13. Your car payment, house payment, and girlfriend are three months overdue.

14. The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

15. You wake up and your braces are stuck together.

16. You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.

17. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/ex-husband.

18. Your income tax refund check bounces.

19. You need one bathroom scale for each foot.

20. You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.

21. You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your new spouse.

22. You receive a 150 page instruction booklet on how to save money...from the electric company.

23. Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.

24. You have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD.

25. Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.

26. The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.

27. You are pigging out at McDonald's by yourself and the manager orders the numbers on the sign outside changed.

28. Your new lover calls to tell you "Last night was terrific." and you remember that you were home by yourself.

29. Everyone is laughing but you.

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